5 Things I want to tell my customers (but I cannot)

Before I start whinging and whining, allow me to tell you a bit about my current situation: I am a part time pharmacist in Adelaide, South Australia. And I have won Nanowrimo this year (50105 words baby!)

At work, the last 2 days had been quite a challenge. Everyone knows that retail sector loves the Christmas spirit, because people start shopping and planning for the holidays. For someone who is an employee in a retail/ compounding pharmacy, here are 5 things that I want to tell my customers but I am not allowed to.

The Shop may close at 6pm, but we are closed emotionally at 4pm

If you want stellar service, come at a good time. I know that people are busy with their lives, and sometimes you forget. But when there’re five or six people darting in minutes before closing, do not expect that we will be jumping for joy, welcoming your every step with roses. In fact, if you want a favour, consider coming in early. I grant favours with magic after my first cuppa. By the time I shut the door, that juice has run out.

Safety Net & Other Stupid Shit Government Makes Us Do

In Australia, our National Health System has a thing called Safety Net for prescription medications that are listed on the scheme. The scheme allows my customers to have some support financially once they reach a threshold. The threshold is a set number for general public and concession, once you have paid a set amount, the rest is either discounted (for general public) or free. Yes, our health system is pretty nice that way. Problem? Once these people have the safety net, they start acting crazy. I have no idea why people think reaching safety net is cool, because it is not.

Look, the government is already paying a lot of money to keep you healthy, it does not need to pay more for you to waste it. Safety Net runs from Jan to Dec; so say if you reach it in June, you get the rest of the medications at a lower price/ free until end of December. The amount of stupid things people try to do to get more medications, makes me wonder if they are too smart for their own good. Maybe you don’t need them.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I am not saying that this does not happen. Another lie my customers like to tell: I’ve run out of *pain/ sleep* medications, my doctor says I can have some on owing.

In Australia, we also have a National Diabetes Services Scheme, which subsidises insulin consumables like test strips and injection needles. To access insulin needles cheaply, you have to register and jump hoops, but the savings are great. If you walk in all dirty, shivery and unkempt, looking like your grandfather, do you think I’d believe that it’s for insulin? Sorry, but not exactly born yesterday. We do have people who are not on the scheme, but I know them by name, and they have a history with us.

We do also have Clean Needle Program, where people can get needles for non- insulin use. Heck, we even have vending machines at certain locations! So, I am not heartless but I don’t have tons of needles lying around you know? And I sometimes wonder if the patient does not realise that chemist and doctors have good relationship? We are like mom and dad man, can’t always pull one over us.

Can’t You Wait?

I hate it when my customers do that: here’s like 10 scripts I need filled in 5 minutes, you can do that right? It is not my fault you are running late, but it will be my fault if you drop dead because I gave you the wrong medication by accident. I also have to check if those combinations might kill you too, in case you do not know that already. My customers think that it is their doctor’s job to know, let me tell you now, it’s mine. Pharmacists have more training in medications and interactions than doctors, that is why medical rounds in hospital will have a pharmacist in the team. It is a team effort to keep you alive and well, don’t forget that.

We also compounding medications, custom dose or flavor. Some are genuine emergency, while others try to be funny. Usually I can’t bend, because it wouldn’t be fair. But with phones, emails and apps to remind you, surely you can push a damn button.

I Don’t Care

I am not a bad person, I swear. My empathy is high enough to make me a good pharmacist, but not good enough for me to care what you had for breakfast. Same goes for people who thinks that we should be caring to them, like free nurse or something. This lady who brought her kid in was sure that she scratched her eyes when she was doing her mascara, and proceeded to try and butt in, when there’s a line waiting for me and my tech. She sure wasn’t happy when I told her that if she has an eye issue, go to the optometrist next door, but seriously? You want a drug store to tell you what’s wrong with your eye, not a certified eye doctor?

But back to this, not just oldies that do this. My customers frequently think that we care about their life and story, but honestly we don’t. We really like to gossip, and we really want to know if you have been sneaking extra tablets in your wine. You have no idea how many times I catch people out that way. I would be really careful when your pharmacists/ chemists ask you how are you, tell me more. We are good at fishing for information.

Seriously…

Do not, however, try to use scare tactics, I don’t scare easy. A man found that out the hard way, he was a tourist who did not organise his medications and ran out 2 weeks before he was due home. And asked me would it be my fault because I didn’t not give him the medication without doctor’s prescription, and he died. I told him straight out it wouldn’t be, because the box says prescription only, and he didn’t have one. What I really wanted to tell him, was it was his own fault for not arranging enough in the first place. Thankfully his wife ushered him out before he could put another word in.

Thank you for Reading

Be good to your local chemist, because you never know when you will need us =)